Learn from Dr. Gottman's renowned research on successful marriages

Understanding how marriages fail can be a useful guidepost to enhancing your relationship.  By avoiding what divorced couples have done you can prevent deterioration in your own.

Dr. John Gottman's "Love Lab" at the University of Washington analyzed 130 newlywed couples working through an ongoing disagreement and found four types of negative behaviors as a predictor of divorce.

These behaviors were so destructive to relationships that he dubbed them "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," a metaphor referencing the harbingers of the End Times in the New Testament.

These behaviors include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Dr. John Gottman is one of Patrick M. DeCarlo’s go-to authority figures on strengthening the bonds between married couples.

Follow the links above to learn more about what Dr. Gottman has to say about how to spot these behaviors and what to do to remedy them.

It can be hard to work through this on your own, though.  As a marriage and family therapist, I'm always on the lookout for any sign of "The Four Horsemen."  My training allows me to traverse cautiously and empathically with even the highest conflict couples as they attempt to realize more productive ways of knowing and understanding one another.

When I work with couples I suggest they read these Gottman titles to supplement the work we're doing in the therapy room:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work promotes excellent conflict resolution strategies, ways to enhance intimacy, and summarizes nearly 40 years of research into relationship success.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last succeeds with case studies, surveys that you can take with your partner on your unique communication styles, and dispels myths about what people think makes a marriage work.  Surprisingly, you'll find lack of sex, frequent arguing, and financial problems don't always spell disaster.