What's Your Attachment Style? Take This Quiz!

Attachment theory is one of the most influential psychological theories of the 20th century. Simply put, it contends that the care taking relationship styles a child experiences in the early phases of life count towards how they will navigate emotional relationship systems later in life; as children learn from their caregivers about how their cries and babbles are responded to the brain hard wires neural processes that will inform how they establish relationships with platonic and intimate partner relationships. A childhood of empathetic soothing could have dramatic impacts just as a childhood of cold regard or traumatic violence could.

Without going into the in’s and out’s of how the research was conducted, attachment theory provides four categories of self-hood that clients might find useful in describing their children’s or their own lived experiences.

For children, attachment theory points to these four types of attachment styles:

Secure Attachment: These children are generally more likely to see others as supportive and helpful and themselves as competent and worthy of respect. They relate positively to others and display resilience, engage in complex play and are more successful in the classroom and in interactions with other children. They are better at taking the perspectives of others and have more trust in others;

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment: Children with an anxious-avoidant attachment style are generally less effective in managing stressful situations. They are likely to withdraw and resist seeking help, which inhibits them from forming satisfying relationships with others. They show more aggression and antisocial behavior, like lying and bullying, and they tend to distance themselves from others to reduce emotional stress;

Anxious-Resistant Attachment: These children are on the opposite end of the spectrum from anxious-avoidant children. They likely lack self-confidence and stick close to their primary caregivers. They may display exaggerated emotional reactions and keep their distance from their peers, leading to social isolation.

Disorganized Attachment: Children with a disorganized attachment style usually fail to develop an organized strategy for coping with separation distress, and tend to display aggression, disruptive behaviors, and social isolation. They are more likely to see others as threats than sources of support, and thus may switch between social withdrawal and defensively aggressive behavior

For adults these four attachment styles might emerge:

Secure Attachment: These adults are more likely to be satisfied with their relationships, feeling secure and connected to their partners without feeling the need to be together all the time. Their relationships are likely to feature honesty, support, independence, and deep emotional connections.

Dismissive-Avoidant (or Anxious-Avoidant) Attachment: One of the two types of adult avoidant attachments, people with this attachment style generally keep their distance from others. They may feel that they don’t need human connection to survive or thrive, and insist on maintaining their independence and isolation from others. These individuals are often able to “shut down” emotionally when a potentially hurtful scenario arises, such as a serious argument with their partner or a threat to the continuance of their relationship.

Anxious-Preoccupied (or Anxious-Resistant) Attachment: Those who form less secure bonds with their partners may feel desperate for love or affection and feel that their partner must “complete” them or fix their problems. While they long for safety and security in their romantic relationships, they may also be acting in ways that push their partner away rather than invite them in. The behavioral manifestations of their fears can include being clingy, demanding, jealous, or easily upset by small issues.

Fearful-Avoidant (or Disorganized) Attachment: The second type of adult avoidant attachment manifests as ambivalence rather than isolation. People with this attachment style generally try to avoid their feelings because it is easy to get overwhelmed by them. They may suffer from unpredictable or abrupt mood swings and fear getting hurt by a romantic partner. These individuals are simultaneously drawn to a partner or potential partner and fearful of getting to close. Unsurprisingly, this style makes it difficult to form and maintain meaningful, healthy relationships with others.

The theory isn’t without its limitations. Salvador Minuchin, a leading founder of Family Therapy, was quoted in a provocative article titled, “Do We Still Need Attachment Theory?”

"The entire family—not just the mother or primary caretaker—including father, siblings, grandparents, often cousins, aunts and uncles, are extremely significant in the experience of the child," says Minuchin. "And yet, when I hear attachment theorists talk, I don't hear anything about these other important figures in a child's life."

It's not just the family that vanishes in this kind of therapy, according to Minuchin. "Certainly a stable early environment is important, but focusing so much attention on attachment issues can make compelling social and racial issues simply disappear. It can take us back to the heyday of psychoanalysis and deny the full familial and social reality of children's lives, as well as obscure our understanding of the context in which they grew up."

Minuchin also wonders whether the therapist in attachment-based work can become too important as the central, perhaps only, reparative figure in the client's life. "The therapist selects the qualities of affect, cognition, and mood regulation that the patient needs," he says. "Systemic therapists, on the other hand, don't believe that the therapist should play such a central role, but try to use the person's present relationships—the full range of them—to renegotiate problems arising from past experience."

Finally, attachment-based therapy for children or adults, in Minuchin's view, too often seems to implicitly assume that attachment "wounds" are the result of childhood trauma. "These days therapists too often talk as if child therapy is the same thing as 'trauma therapy,'" he says. "But, the danger of focusing so much on trauma is that you develop the view that trauma is somehow the human condition, rather than occasionally a part of it. It is always tempting to make an entire psychotherapy theory from cases of the most extreme pathology."

Whatever one thinks of attachment theory it’s undeniable the influence its had on commenting on human developmental psychology. It’s also necessary to point out how childhood has many different contexts in other cultures.

Psychologist World reminds us that:

[N}on-Western societies tend to offer up compelling counter-examples. For instance, in Papua New Guinea or Uganda, the idea of a child being intimately attached to a caregiver is somewhat alien, and child-rearing duties are more evenly distributed among a broader group of people. Still, "well-adjusted" members of society are produced, indicating that, at least in these societies, some other mechanism is acting in the place of the attachments that are so necessary for Western children.

But if you’d like to discover what your attachment style is, consider taking this quiz here. I’m always interested in what clients have to say about their perceptions of their attachment style, learning more about the ways they navigate memories of their childhood and its impact on their relationship life today.